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A Letter To All The Boys I've Loved

Friday, November 23, 2018
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Day 4! 
Sebenarnya tema hari ke 4 kali ini dari tantangan #BPN30DayChallenge2018 nya Blogger Perempuan adalah alasan kenapa bergabung dengan Blogger Perempuan Network. Tapi kali ini saya memilih tema alternatifnya, tentang menulis surat untuk seseorang. Nah, saya sebenarnya selalu menulis surat untuk dia atau mereka, tapi gak pernah benar-benar ngirim juga sih. Lebih ke alasan pribadi. Makanya, kali ini saya beraniin buat nulis lagi. Buat siapa ya kira-kira? Coba tebak.. 

Dear you the first, 
Somehow I knew why we were never works together. I was there with you, and all you ever think was just how to over top my stories and compete with me. You always walk in front of me when you supposed to walk with me. I don't know why you always see me ans your competition, not a partner. And yes, after you see your friend beat you down, you run and make the whole things like a championship. Who gets the better one, with the bigger number as a winner. Let's just try be honest, we were such a messed up two persons back then. We were selfish and immature little creature. Those years together, still can't keep you stay with me. But I know better, my decision to leave you was a good thing for both of us. Just so you know, I don't hate you, I just don't see us together. Even now. 
Dear you the second, 
Hm... All I can say now just, thank you dear. With you, I learned things that I've probably would never discover before. Not all of them were rainbow fun, happy and full of smiles. But I can say that I don't regret met you or shed a tears for you, although maybe it was just for a short period of time. I just regret one thing, that I left you too early. We might not end up together, but I could see that we might have some more fun if we stick together. You teach me how to embrace my weirdness and teach me how to be brave. With you was an adventure, that I want to repeat if I could. I wasn't planning on us before, but I guess we just happens like that. Like you said, If I brave enough to take risk, I might found you do the right thing, just to try make my life more colorful. Well dear, you just did. 

Dear you the third, 
I don't know how to begin this. This part is one of the reason why I want to write this letter in the first place. There's few things that I wish I could say to you face to face, without crying. Yes, my feeling to you are really that deep. 

Honestly, you are my first love, after my Dad, ofc. You are the first person I could think of for sharing something beautiful or scary that happened to my day. I shared everything mine, with you. My mind, my heart, my passion, even my friendship. Could be the first person I called for almost anything. You were on my number 1 speed dial. You stupid little dream of me. 

But then, all I remember is the way you left, on this deserted lonely island. Those years spending time together, still can't make you know me best. All those stupid, shitty years, I wish you could be mine. With those Yin-Yang stories with a night full of stars shining above us. How can I possible remove that from my head? I meant, how if we are actually meant to be? Nobody knows, right? Yeah, since it's nobody, you won't brave enough to stay and find out. I know, you always like something new that shines blind your eyes. From the beginning, I know I might can't compete with that. 

But I know, I should say thanks to you too. 
Thank you for doubting me. 
Thank you for not see my worth now. 
Thank you for leaving me behind, without even fight to make it all better for me, for us. 
Thank you for all the laugh, those times, those nights, and finally those tears. 
Someday you will remember me, and you regret this, that you left me. 
Someday you will see that I feel grateful that you left me and set me free. 

Thank you for all of you... 

See you on the next post!

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